How to Cope with Jealous Feelings

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1. Understand what jealousy is. It’s a mixture of fear and anger – usually the fear of losing someone who’s important to you, and anger at the person who is “taking over”. Recognise that it’s a destructive and negative emotion – and often nothing good comes out of it.

2. Try and figure out why you’re feeling jealous. Is it related to some past failure that is undermining your ability to trust? Are you feeling anxious and insecure? Do you suffer from low self-esteem, or fear of abandonment?

3. Be honest with yourself about how your jealousy affects other people. Do friends or partners always have to justify their actions and thoughts, or always report on where they were, or who they were with? That kind of pressure is destructive in the end, and puts a strain on relationships.

4. Find the courage to tackle your feelings. Decide to question your jealousy every time it surfaces. That will enable you to take positive steps to manage your feelings in a healthier and more constructive way. Some possible questions to ask yourself include: “Why am I jealous about this?”; “What exactly is making me feel jealous?”; “What or who am I afraid of losing?”; “Why do I feel so threatened?”

5. Work on changing any false beliefs that might be fueling your jealousy. Start this process by identifying the underlying belief, for example “If X leaves me, then I won’t have any friends”; “If Y doesn’t love me then no-one will ever want or love me”. Understand, that beliefs are often false – and that they can be changed through choice. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel.

6. Learn from your jealousy. Jealousy can help understand ourselves better – and teach us important lessons. For example, it’s natural to feel frightened when a relationship is new, and you don’t yet feel secure. This is normal and commonplace! Also, some people DO have a roving eye, and they may lack commitment in the longer term. Better you know that now, than later on.

7. Work on accepting and trusting yourself. That makes it easier to trust others, too, and lessens our tendency to feel jealous of others.

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How to help a friend or family member with depression

to love

Sometimes it is hard to know what to say when speaking to a loved one about depression. You might fear that if you bring up your worries he or she will get angry, feel insulted, or ignore your concerns. You may be unsure what questions to ask or how to be supportive.

If you don’t know where to start, the following suggestions may help. But remember that being a compassionate listener is much more important than giving advice. Encourage the depressed person to talk about his or her feelings, and be willing to listen without judgment. And don’t expect a single conversation to be the end of it. Depressed people tend to withdraw from others and isolate themselves. You may need to express your concern and willingness to listen over and over again. Be gentle, yet persistent.

Ways to start the conversation:

• I have been feeling concerned about you lately.

• Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing.

I wanted to check in with you because you have seemed pretty down lately.

Questions you can ask:

• When did you begin feeling like this?

• Did something happen that made you start feeling this way?

• How can I best support you right now?

• Do you ever feel so bad that you don’t want to be anymore?

• Have you thought about getting help?

Remember, being supportive involves offering encouragement and hope. Very often, this is a matter of talking to the person in language that he or she will understand and respond to while in a depressed mind frame.

What you can say that helps:

• You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.

• You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.

• I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.

• When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold of for just one more day, hour, minute — whatever you can manage.

• You are important to me. Your life is important to me.

• Tell me what I can do now to help you.

Avoid saying:

• It’s all in your head.

• We all go through times like this.

• Look on the bright side.

• You have so much to live for why do you want to die?

• I can’t do anything about your situation.

• Just snap out of it.

• What’s wrong with you?

• Shouldn’t you be better by now?

How to Get Over Past Mistakes

hope is being able

1. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, does things wrongs, and has moments of regret. There are no perfect people out there. In that sense, you are just the same as everybody else.

2. Remind yourself that “that was then, and this is now”. You can’t turn back the clocks and change what you did, but you can be a different person in the future.

3. Allow yourself to experience and name the feelings you are struggling with (regret, guilt, shame, disappointment, embarrassment, sadness, etc.) – then make the decision to let those feelings go. In the end, it’s unhealthy to become attached to them.

4. Ask yourself what you can learn from the situation. What would you do differently if you found yourself in that situation again? How can it change the person you are now (so that you feel better about yourself)?

5. Recognise that failings and mistakes are part of the growth process. It’s inevitable that you’ll encounter obstacles, challenges and failures throughout life. Don’t let that stop you from really living life.

6. Remind yourself that “it was what you did, it’s not who you are.” Don’t allow any single event or experience to define you. You are more than – so don’t let that become your identity, or your destiny.

7. Give yourself the gift of a new day and a new start. Forgive yourself, let go of the past, and with confidence move on with your life.hope is being able

6 Ways to Build a Strong Relationship

what you do makes a difference

1. Relationships aren’t about having another person satisfy or fulfill you. They’re about building each other up, and appreciating each other’s uniqueness – whilst also enjoying togetherness, and a degree of interdependency.

2. Although the first flush of love can blind you to their flaws, you need to see your partner for who they really are. That is, we all have our shortcoming, our weaknesses.

3. Be willing to learn and grow with your partner. Instead of being defensive, or demanding your own way, take the time to understand your partner’s perspective – and, hopefully, your partner will learn from you, as well.

4. Learn to appreciate solitude. We need to be comfortable being alone, and to accept and be at peace with the unique person we are, in order to be healthy in relationships.

5. When it comes to arguments, look for the real reasons why you fight and disagree. Often there’s a pattern to when and why we fight – which points to buried issues, to hurt and unmet needs.

6. Embrace the ordinary in your relationships. In time, the fairy-dust will settle and things will feel humdrum. But the day-to-day has meaning when it’s shared with those you love.

Emotional Wellness

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If you want to boost your emotional health then build the following into your life:

  1. Develop a good group of friends. If possible, try and have quite a wide group of friends. That then means if someone moves away, or you change your school, your hobbies and so on, you’ll still a healthy support system in place.
  2. Learn to appreciate solitude. Isolation isn’t the same as solitude. Isolation is being cut off from others for negative reasons; solitude is enjoying space and time for yourself – so you can recharge your batteries, and enjoy just being “you”.
  3. Invest time in getting fit. People who are fit and healthy generally feel better about themselves. Also, exercise releases feel good hormones so we feel happier, more optimistic and relaxed.
  4. Allow yourself to “goof off” and have a laugh – as too much work will drain your energy.
  5. Discover your passion and invest time in that. We all have something that brings us alive, and seems to resonate with who we are inside … So investing in your passion is extremely satisfying!
  6. Plan for difficulties and problems. We all encounter problems and hard times in this life. Expecting that to happen helps us feel more in control – as we understand it’s normal – so we don’t just fall apart.
  7. Work on increasing your self-awareness. As above, we all have blind spots and idiosyncrasies. If we can learn about ourselves, and our natural tendencies, we can learn to master weaknesses, and work to change and grow.
  8. Be willing to take risks. Though it’s hard to step out into unknown territory, you’ll find it’s more rewarding to stretch yourself and grow.
  9. Watch out for energy vampires. There are plenty of people who will drain your energy so learn how to say “no”, and to set some boundaries.
  10. Ask for help when you need it. We all need support and encouragement at times … And offer help to others when things are tough for them.

10 Ways to Simplify Life

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1. Don’t try to read other peoples’ minds and don’t expect others to be able to read yours. Communicate if it is important to you.

2. Don’t expect to be friends with everyone. We all are different – and we all like different things. Instead, invest your time in a few good friends. That’s all you really need to feel happy and fulfilled.

3. Create a budget and live within your means. Accruing debt will only cause you to feel stressed.

4. Get rid of the monster of jealousy – and only compare yourself with yourself.

5. Organize your clutter and get rid of some stuff. It will leave you feeling calmer, and will save you lots of time!

6. Stay on the sidelines and don’t get drawn into pointless dramas in other peoples’ lives (unless it’s a crisis – and you know you ought to help).

7. Finish what you’ve started – and then do something else.

8. Treat every person you meet with respect, and err on the side of being patient and kind.

9. Accept there are things that you can’t change or control – and focus on those things that you can change or control.

10. Don’t be too proud to apologise. Admit that you were wrong, then say you’re sorry, and move on.

How to Recognise a Toxic Friend

long after the mind

1. Is this a person who always puts you down? A friend is someone who accepts you as you are – and allows you to be different, and to think for yourself, and to make your own decisions – without an explanation. However, if a person is demeaning or always puts you down, criticises your opinions, or the way you dress or look, then that’s someone to avoid as they’re a toxic friend.

2. Do they gossip about you? A friend is someone you can totally trust. You can share your deepest secrets, and say what’s on your mind – and they won’t tell a person or betray your trust. However, if you always have to watch what you say around a friend as they’re likely to gossip or let something slip then it’s likely that this person is a toxic friend.

3. Do they constantly mock and make fun of you? A bit of gentle ribbing shows affection between friends. But if they’re always making fun of you, or highlighting your faults, or attacking you in public, then they’re not a genuine friend.

4. How do you feel after being with your friend? Think about your answers to the following:

– Do you feel defensive when you spend time with them?

– Do you feel hurt or upset after spending time with them?

– Do you feel as if you always have to justify yourself instead of being “natural” around your friend?

– Do you enjoy their company or do you feel ambivalent?

– Do they undermine your confidence and self-esteem?

– Do you feel attacked and used after spending time with them?

– Does the friendship feel unbalanced and require a lot of work?

– Is it more a competition than a genuine friendship?

Note: If you recognize the signs of a toxic friend, then it’s time to move on and find a different friend. Being with this individual will wreak your happiness.

Coping Statements for Anxiety

take it day by day

It is often possible to manage anxiety by actively replacing irrational thoughts with more balanced and reasonable thoughts like the following:

1. I’m going to be OK. Sometimes my feelings are irrational and false. I’m just going to relax and take things easy. Everything is going to be fine.

2. Anxiety may feel bad but it isn’t dangerous. There’s nothing wrong with me. Everything is going to be OK.

3. Feelings come and feelings go. Right now I feel bad but I know this is only temporary. I’ve done it before so I can do it again.

4. This image in my head isn’t reasonable or rational. I need to change my thinking and focus my attention on something that’s healthier, and generally helps me to feel good about myself. For example _____________.

5. I’ve managed to interrupt and change these thoughts before – so I know I can do it again. The more I practise this, the easier it will become. Anxiety is a habit – and it’s a habit that I can break!

6. So what if I anxious. It’s not the end of the world. It’s not going to kill me. I just need to take a few deep breaths and keep going.

7. Just take the next step. Just do the next thing.

8. Even if I have to put up with a period of anxiety, I’ll be glad that I did, and persevered, and succeeded.

9. I can feel anxious and still do a good job. The more I focus on the task at hand, the more my anxiety will ease, then disappear.

10. Anxiety doesn’t have a hold on me. It’s something I’m working on, and changing over time.

I’ve Learned …

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I’ve learned-
That you cannot make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.
I’ve learned-
That it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it. That it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
I’ve learned-
That you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you better know something. That you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do. That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I’ve learned-
That it’s taking me a long time to become the person that I want to be. That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I’ve learned-
That you can keep going long after you can’t. That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I’ve learned-
That either you control your attitude or it controls you. That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is a first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I’ve learned-
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I’ve learned-
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I’ve learned-
That sometimes when I get angry I have the right to be angry, but it doesn’t give me the right to be cruel. That true friendship continues to grow over the longest distance, and the same goes for true love.
I’ve learned-
That just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I’ve learned-
That you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what tragedy it would be if they believed it. That no matter how good your friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while, and you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned-
That it isn’t always good enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you must learn to forgive yourself. That no matter how bad a heart is broken; the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned-
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for whom we become. That just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love each other, and just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I’ve learned-
That we don’t have to change friends, if we understand that friends change. That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I’ve learned-
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you. That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I’ve learned-
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
That the people you care about the most in life are taken from you too soon

Avoid Some of the Main Brain Damaging Habits

  1. No Breakfast – People who don’t eat breakfast have lower blood sugar levels. This can lead to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain (and to underperformance in terms of thinking, processing, retrieval and memory skills).
    2. Overreacting – This can flood the brain with chemical which interferes with clear thinking, logical analysis and memory.
    3. Smoking – This can cause a shrinkage in the brain, and possibly lead to Alzheimer’s disease.
    4. High Sugar Consumption – Consuming too much sugar interferes with the absorption of proteins and nutrients. These are essential for healthy brain development.
    5. Air Pollution – The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain. Again, this can reduce and interfere with the brain’s healthy functioning.
    6. Sleep Deprivation – Sleep allows our brain to rest and rejuvenate itself. Long term sleep deprivation accelerates the death of brain cells. It interferes with putting down new memory traces, effective problem solving and memory retention.
    7. Exercising your Brain in Times of Illness – Working or studying during times of sickness can lead to a ineffective thinking, poor processing, and to poor memory and retention.
    8. Lack of Stimulation – Thinking is the best way to train our brain. Lack of stimulation can prevent new neural pathways from forming. It can also prevent us from reaching our potential in terms of creative thinking and analytical thinking.

Source: The World Health Organisation