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Give it a Try …

you are stronger than the things that make you feel weak

Life might just be better if:

1. You let go of the past

2. You do stuff (instead of just thinking or talking about it)

3. You don’t let nasty people bother you

4. You make the effort to stay in touch

5. You allow yourself to make mistakes – lots of them, all the time

6. You count on things going wrong

7. You decide not to take stuff personally

8. You think about how you want to be remembered

9. You give without expecting anything back

10. You choose to be silly and to laugh more often

11. You value friends, and treat them well

12. You recognise that everything (good or bad) ends, and that loss is a very real part of life.

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7 Keys to Improving your Self-Esteem

there will always  be someone who can't see your worth.jpg

1. Stop comparing yourself to others

2. Stop demanding and expecting perfection (from yourself and other people)

3. Practice kindness and understanding

4. Be your own best friend when you make a mistake

5. Look for things that you like about yourself and choose to take pleasure, and find joy, in them

6. Believe that you deserve to experience good things

7. Make the decision to enjoy your life, and to love what you are doing, and to believe in yourself.

How to Live a Simpler, More Contented Life

there is beauty in simplicity

1. Ask yourself “What’s important?” Take a step back and think about what’s important to you. What do you really want to be doing, who do you want to spend your time with, what do you want to accomplish with your work? Make a short list of 4-5 things for your life, 4-5 people you want to spend time with, 4-5 things you’d like to accomplish at work.

2. Examine your commitments. A big part of the problem is that our lives are way too full. We can’t possibly do everything we have committed to doing, and we certainly can’t enjoy it if we’re trying to do everything. Accept that you can’t do everything, know that you want to do what’s important to you, and try to eliminate the commitments that aren’t as important.

3. Do less each day. Don’t fill your day up with things to do. You will end up rushing to do them all. If you normally try to do 7-10 things, do 5 important ones instead. This will give you time to do what you need to do, and not rush.

4. Leave space between tasks or appointments. Another mistake is trying to schedule things back-to-back. This leaves no cushion in case things take longer than we planned (which they always do), and it also gives us a feeling of being rushed and stressed throughout the day.

5. Eliminate as much as possible from your to-do list. You can’t do everything on your to-do list. Even if you could, more things will come up. As much as you can, simplify your to-do list down to the essentials.

6. Now, slow down and enjoy every task. Try to slow down and enjoy whatever you’re doing. Try to pay attention, instead of thinking about other things. Be in the moment. Enjoy the present.

12 Things Happy People do Differently

make today count.jpg

Happy people value and choose:

1. Love over Fear: People, who are truly happy, are less fearful and more loving. They perceive every moment, every challenge, and every person as an opportunity to learn more about themselves and the world.

2. Acceptance over Resistance: Happy people know that you can’t really change things by denying and resisting them. So when bad things happen, they don’t fight, get angry and complain. Instead, they ask themselves questions like: What can I learn from this? How can I do make this better?

3. Forgiveness over Unforgiveness: Truly happy individuals understand that it’s destructive to hold on to feelings of anger. Instead, they choose to forgive and let go, understanding that (in the end) forgiveness is a gift they give themselves.

4. Trust over Mistrust: They trust themselves … and they have learned to figure out the trustworthy people – and those they should avoid.

5. Meaning over Ambition: Happy people do the things they do because it adds meaning and purpose to their lives. They’re not driven by the need to gain acceptance, praise and approval from others.

6. Challenges over Obstacles: Happy people see problems as challenges, and as opportunities to explore new ways of seeing and doing things. That is, challenges are something that help them to grow.

7. Selflessness over Selfishness: Happy people seek out ways ways to give to others – of themselves, their time, of their money, and their gifts. That is, they’re not self-focused and self-absorbed.

8. Kindness over Harshness: Happy people are gentle and kind with themselves and others. They know the importance and power of self-love, self-forgiveness and self-acceptance – and they freely love, forgive and accept other people, too.

9. Gratitude over Ingratitude: No matter where they are, or who they are with, happy people have the capacity to see beauty where others would only see ugliness – and they’re quick to express their gratitude, as well.

10. Being Present over Being Disengaged: Happy people know how to live in the moment, appreciating what they have and who they are with. They are not constantly being dragged down by the past, or distracted by what could happen (or go wrong) in the future.

11. Positivity over Negativity: Regardless of the circumstances of life, happy people are able to adopt and maintain a positive, and upbeat, attitude and perspective.

12. Taking Responsibility over Blaming: Happy people assume full ownership for their lives. They assume responsibility for their life, choices, decisions, actions, reactions, beliefs and attitudes.

The Truth About Life …

you are wanting to give up

  1. Things never, ever go according to your plan.
  2. You’ll always meet with unexpected snags and obstacles.
  3. Not everyone will like you, or want to be your friend.
  4. We all lose motivation and want to ditch our dreams.
  5. Success is transitory – the happiness will pass.
  6. We all get disappointed and let down by our friends.
  7. But attitude is everything – we choose how to react.
  8. There’s always something good, if we will only look for it.
  9. There are those who “play it forward”, and who’re helpful, warm and kind.
  10. And life is full of chances, new beginnings and fresh starts.

How to Cope with Jealous Feelings

your journey will be lighter and easier.jpg

1. Understand what jealousy is. It’s a mixture of fear and anger – usually the fear of losing someone who’s important to you, and anger at the person who is “taking over”. Recognise that it’s a destructive and negative emotion – and often nothing good comes out of it.

2. Try and figure out why you’re feeling jealous. Is it related to some past failure that is undermining your ability to trust? Are you feeling anxious and insecure? Do you suffer from low self-esteem, or fear of abandonment?

3. Be honest with yourself about how your jealousy affects other people. Do friends or partners always have to justify their actions and thoughts, or always report on where they were, or who they were with? That kind of pressure is destructive in the end, and puts a strain on relationships.

4. Find the courage to tackle your feelings. Decide to question your jealousy every time it surfaces. That will enable you to take positive steps to manage your feelings in a healthier and more constructive way. Some possible questions to ask yourself include: “Why am I jealous about this?”; “What exactly is making me feel jealous?”; “What or who am I afraid of losing?”; “Why do I feel so threatened?”

5. Work on changing any false beliefs that might be fueling your jealousy. Start this process by identifying the underlying belief, for example “If X leaves me, then I won’t have any friends”; “If Y doesn’t love me then no-one will ever want or love me”. Understand, that beliefs are often false – and that they can be changed through choice. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel.

6. Learn from your jealousy. Jealousy can help understand ourselves better – and teach us important lessons. For example, it’s natural to feel frightened when a relationship is new, and you don’t yet feel secure. This is normal and commonplace! Also, some people DO have a roving eye, and they may lack commitment in the longer term. Better you know that now, than later on.

7. Work on accepting and trusting yourself. That makes it easier to trust others, too, and lessens our tendency to feel jealous of others.

How to help a friend or family member with depression

to love

Sometimes it is hard to know what to say when speaking to a loved one about depression. You might fear that if you bring up your worries he or she will get angry, feel insulted, or ignore your concerns. You may be unsure what questions to ask or how to be supportive.

If you don’t know where to start, the following suggestions may help. But remember that being a compassionate listener is much more important than giving advice. Encourage the depressed person to talk about his or her feelings, and be willing to listen without judgment. And don’t expect a single conversation to be the end of it. Depressed people tend to withdraw from others and isolate themselves. You may need to express your concern and willingness to listen over and over again. Be gentle, yet persistent.

Ways to start the conversation:

• I have been feeling concerned about you lately.

• Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing.

I wanted to check in with you because you have seemed pretty down lately.

Questions you can ask:

• When did you begin feeling like this?

• Did something happen that made you start feeling this way?

• How can I best support you right now?

• Do you ever feel so bad that you don’t want to be anymore?

• Have you thought about getting help?

Remember, being supportive involves offering encouragement and hope. Very often, this is a matter of talking to the person in language that he or she will understand and respond to while in a depressed mind frame.

What you can say that helps:

• You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.

• You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.

• I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.

• When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold of for just one more day, hour, minute — whatever you can manage.

• You are important to me. Your life is important to me.

• Tell me what I can do now to help you.

Avoid saying:

• It’s all in your head.

• We all go through times like this.

• Look on the bright side.

• You have so much to live for why do you want to die?

• I can’t do anything about your situation.

• Just snap out of it.

• What’s wrong with you?

• Shouldn’t you be better by now?

How to Get Over Past Mistakes

hope is being able

1. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, does things wrongs, and has moments of regret. There are no perfect people out there. In that sense, you are just the same as everybody else.

2. Remind yourself that “that was then, and this is now”. You can’t turn back the clocks and change what you did, but you can be a different person in the future.

3. Allow yourself to experience and name the feelings you are struggling with (regret, guilt, shame, disappointment, embarrassment, sadness, etc.) – then make the decision to let those feelings go. In the end, it’s unhealthy to become attached to them.

4. Ask yourself what you can learn from the situation. What would you do differently if you found yourself in that situation again? How can it change the person you are now (so that you feel better about yourself)?

5. Recognise that failings and mistakes are part of the growth process. It’s inevitable that you’ll encounter obstacles, challenges and failures throughout life. Don’t let that stop you from really living life.

6. Remind yourself that “it was what you did, it’s not who you are.” Don’t allow any single event or experience to define you. You are more than – so don’t let that become your identity, or your destiny.

7. Give yourself the gift of a new day and a new start. Forgive yourself, let go of the past, and with confidence move on with your life.hope is being able

6 Ways to Build a Strong Relationship

what you do makes a difference

1. Relationships aren’t about having another person satisfy or fulfill you. They’re about building each other up, and appreciating each other’s uniqueness – whilst also enjoying togetherness, and a degree of interdependency.

2. Although the first flush of love can blind you to their flaws, you need to see your partner for who they really are. That is, we all have our shortcoming, our weaknesses.

3. Be willing to learn and grow with your partner. Instead of being defensive, or demanding your own way, take the time to understand your partner’s perspective – and, hopefully, your partner will learn from you, as well.

4. Learn to appreciate solitude. We need to be comfortable being alone, and to accept and be at peace with the unique person we are, in order to be healthy in relationships.

5. When it comes to arguments, look for the real reasons why you fight and disagree. Often there’s a pattern to when and why we fight – which points to buried issues, to hurt and unmet needs.

6. Embrace the ordinary in your relationships. In time, the fairy-dust will settle and things will feel humdrum. But the day-to-day has meaning when it’s shared with those you love.

Emotional Wellness

each-day-is-a-new-chance

If you want to boost your emotional health then build the following into your life:

  1. Develop a good group of friends. If possible, try and have quite a wide group of friends. That then means if someone moves away, or you change your school, your hobbies and so on, you’ll still a healthy support system in place.
  2. Learn to appreciate solitude. Isolation isn’t the same as solitude. Isolation is being cut off from others for negative reasons; solitude is enjoying space and time for yourself – so you can recharge your batteries, and enjoy just being “you”.
  3. Invest time in getting fit. People who are fit and healthy generally feel better about themselves. Also, exercise releases feel good hormones so we feel happier, more optimistic and relaxed.
  4. Allow yourself to “goof off” and have a laugh – as too much work will drain your energy.
  5. Discover your passion and invest time in that. We all have something that brings us alive, and seems to resonate with who we are inside … So investing in your passion is extremely satisfying!
  6. Plan for difficulties and problems. We all encounter problems and hard times in this life. Expecting that to happen helps us feel more in control – as we understand it’s normal – so we don’t just fall apart.
  7. Work on increasing your self-awareness. As above, we all have blind spots and idiosyncrasies. If we can learn about ourselves, and our natural tendencies, we can learn to master weaknesses, and work to change and grow.
  8. Be willing to take risks. Though it’s hard to step out into unknown territory, you’ll find it’s more rewarding to stretch yourself and grow.
  9. Watch out for energy vampires. There are plenty of people who will drain your energy so learn how to say “no”, and to set some boundaries.
  10. Ask for help when you need it. We all need support and encouragement at times … And offer help to others when things are tough for them.